I just saw..

This and it made me think: 

Does your happiness have to depend on that person loving you? Why would you give someone the power over your happiness. True, if we don’t know if they love back it can hurt, but that’s why I think in order to really love it has to go both ways. Moving on from something like that isn’t easy but life is too short to spend time on dwelling on it. I say this now of course, but while I still love I wonder. Does he too? Only one way to find that out. Why am I so afraid of the answer? Especially when I just spouted about moving on if it doesn’t work the way you wanted it too. 

Maybe because this time it’s a different kind of love. It’s a love that was made over time. A love that I didn’t even know I had until it hit me like a bolt of lightening. You know, in that moment instead of being afraid of it it filled me with a sense of joy that I can only describe is falling in love with him. Everyday since then I’ve tried to tell him. Until it was driving me mad. I chilled out about it and realized that the time will come. I guess I’m just getting impatient. 

So that brings me back to the original quote. Why give that person the power to hurt you? Well because in that moment when it’s right and you feel it’s right they might just love you back. The potential to have that happen out weighs any of the other consequences so much that I don’t even give them thought. Yah, I’ll still be looking for that right moment. 


Is it bad…

Is it bad that I have a secret crush online? Ok just a little something about me. I’m a girl gamer. Always have been always will be. The hours I log online are staggering and most of them are logged into my game of choice. Will I reveal that? Probably but not right now since I use my gamer tag everywhere. Like most gamers do. So, naturally when you play online as much as I do you make friends. And not just friends in your own country too which I happen to love. However, then you start spending time with them over voice chat and in game. You get to know them, and BAM you have a crush. Well, at least that’s what happened to me. We can call him Nash for the sake of the conversation.

So, there I am finding myself logging in because I really want to talk with Nash. Only to find out one day he sends me a private message saying something like, huh I didn’t take you for a submissive I took you for a dominant. I was floored. Not only did I develop a crush to someone who I have never seen, but I pick the one who is open and up front about the bdsm lifestyle. I guess it’s true that they say you are meant to meet some people just by the paths you choose to go. I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t stop thinking of him and all of the wicked things we have talked about doing. So, I leave the question out to all of the readers. How is a cyber romance? Is it something that has a place in our society? I believe so especially with what people are doing with their computers now a days. Is it wrong? I don’t know. However I do know that
I’m going to log in and see if he’s there. 😉

Just when I thought…..

Just when I thought I couldn’t blush anymore he looked me up and down. Even though I was full clothed my body blushed as if I was naked. Like he sees some bring the outer world cannot and he’s feasting in it with his eyes. This just made me want him more. He told me that it looks as if I was working on first position for him. In truth I wasn’t but when I think about it now I wanted to stand talk for him. Proudly if not needing to display myself in some way. Just for a bit of his satisfaction. Meanwhile I’m so turned on and there was little to no contact until it was time to say good night. Then he grabbed my hair from the base and I could have melted into his hand. He brought me close enough to just feel his bottom lip and know that it was silky. When I leaned it to try and steak that kiss he bit and nipped my chin and the base if the neck. With those two gestures I knew I was done. Before he left I got a prompt smack on the butt. And so begins the game. The push and pull of being a submissive. The giving and letting him take what he chooses. I think it’s going to be a fun road. 😉

I think it’s time…

I have been on the sure for a little while now. I’ve been reading the journey of others, and realizing that everyone has their own unique world to which they can escape to. Therefore, I think it’s time for me to go public with my writings. To this point they have been just for me to read and while I will continue that I feel that if I have it out there my thoughts somehow become more real.

In my quest of sexual exploration I never realized that while we grow and learn as people so do our sexual preferences and tasted. Well hell. Why didn’t anyone tell me this before? I know because I grew up in the house where sex wasn’t talked about. So, I had to experience it for myself. It wasn’t the naked house, it wasn’t the who did you kiss house, no, it was the hey Nef you better loose weight house. However, that story is a whole different blog. So, when I finally left the closed grasp of my parents I felt lost and when I met my best friend I realized that I had no sense of self. I had the person my parents wanted me to be not the person I was. That person is a sexual one. Very sexual in fact, and I’m very grateful for her to opening my eyes to it. I’m the blunt girl who loves sports, video games, and sex. Lots of it. As much as I can get. I guess that’s why it was a shock that over the years I’ve grown and challenged myself in the bedroom. I’ve been monogamous and I’ve done the swinging lifestyle. Those all seemed very natural to me. So, why is it so shocking to me when I realized I was submissive? I mean when you look at my sexual evolution it’s the perfect next step. Only it’s left me unbalanced and off my comfort zone. Keep in mind this is a new experience for me and I haven’t engaged in play yet. However, I hope that changes soon. 😉 my personal feelings of it aren’t totally off. When you realize you have this urge and you see what goes into it, well let’s just say I was very very surprised.

For me the mental play part of this is what gets me the most. To have someone tell me I’m a good girl just makes me melt. We can take that a step farther and have this person simple tell me what they will do to me and how I will respond. Not maybe, not I might do this. No, you are going to come and you will be mine to do with whatever I please. Um, yes please sir. To give that surrender seems like the ultimate rush. To me at least. Ah well. Here’s to starting a new journey. Cheers!